Ninja Assassin Trailer

Does this movie look as overblown as it sounds? Yes. Will I most likely be seeing it in theaters? Yes ( oh the things I do for my reviews). Will I be seeing it alone in theaters? Absolutely not. I'll need my humor fallback plan if the film goes bad. Will I like it? Maybe. It depends on whether or not they add an annoying "comic relief" character. That will knock the film down to an instant three stars.

Anyway, if you enjoyed the trailer then expect to see Ninja Assassins in theaters on November 25th, 2009.

**Youtube may take down this particular video at some point, but I have it backed up so I will upload it myself if need be.

inFamous Impressions

Wow, it has been a long time since I last reviewed a game! Maybe this is as good a time as any to get back on the horse, hmm? And what better game to start back with than the superpower themed, Sucker Punch Productions developed, PS3 exclusive inFamous?

The Plus: Firstly, and most importantly seeing as this is a sandbox style game, the attention to detail around the city is simply amazing. You won't find a cluster of similarly designed buildings in this game. Everything looks unique to its specific location. Alongside this, all of the citizens of Empire City are just as unique and Sucker Punch drafted a host of voice actors to bring each of them to life. I'm not saying any one of them deserve specific names or anything, but you won't get the same droning phrases over and over again. Secondly, the karma system not only serves to add to gameplay time, but gives the player a distinctly unique experience depending on if they are "good" or "evil." This isn't a game that you will be able to just play through once and toss. Thirdly, the powers that Cole (the main character) acquires during the game are comfortably diverse and fairly spectacular. Whether you're electric grinding across a telephone wire or calling forth a lightning storm you will be enjoying every second of it. Fourthly, the voice acting in this game is nothing short of movie quality. Maybe that's why they have a film in the pipeline already? Fifthly, and finally, the game's plot definitely won't bore you. I'm not calling it a masterpiece or anything, but you will definitely feel a connection to what you're doing.

The Minus: First, and kind of ironically, the ending. Sure, it kind of makes sense, but it just wasn't all that satisfying. It does a good job of setting up for a sequel, but I really expected a bit more. Second, the glitches. There wasn't anything too crazy in this respect, but you will phase through the occasional overhang or get shot yards straight into the air when climbing the occasional ledge. Third, the stunts. Sure, I know they don't sound so intimidating when I talk about them here, but you will spend hours trying to get all twenty-one. I promise you. Fourth, and finally, the area-clearing. As you complete missions in the game, you take small portions of the city back from the gangs that have taken over. Now, this is all well and good, but because most of the enemies leave the areas you have taken back there becomes increasingly fewer things to do as you traverse the city. It's kind of like you're slowly shutting down the game.

So there you are, my review of inFamous. I am awarding the game 4 stars out of 5 for being nearly perfect with the occasional hiccup and I definitely recommend it as a buy to any PS3 owner. I hope to play Prototype, what is considered to be inFamous' lower reviewed rival, as soon as I can so that I can review it as well and do a comparison.

Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin: The Sons of Big Boss

"Can epic music make up for spectacularly bad martial artistry? Your call."


So this apparently marks the end of this season of HAWP! Rejoice! I can't believe the season ended the way it did! I was so shocked when... wait a minute... since when has HAWP been doing seasons!? Well... enjoy the episode and the completely amazing voice cameo at the end. Don't you just love having friends in high places?

Inglourious Basterds Impressions

I will start off by saying that Inglourious Basterds is an excellent addition to anyone's Tarantino collection. It has the multi-faceted storyline, the "colorful" characters, the smart dialogue, the shocking violence, and the dark humor you'd expect from him and a little bit more on the side. All of the important actors play their roles perfectly and you just can't help but attach yourself to some of them and completely loath others.

Basterds, however, does suffer from a lot of the inadequacies seen in other Tarantino films. Characters disappear without reference, major characters are killed off in "unjust" ways, interesting events are only briefly touched upon (often in retrospect and for seemingly cinematic purposes), and unexplainable gaps in logic are numerous. But, also in Tarantino fashion, none of these issues hinder the viewing of the film in any way. You kind of almost want to kick yourself a little bit for going back and picking up on these things in the first place.

I am awarding Inglourious Basterds four and a half stars out of five for being an excellent, but not perfect, movie-going experience. It is in all honesty a compliment to say that it is another great Tarantino film that suffers from all the usual Tarantino flaws. Go see it and enjoy your nazi scalping!

2012 Trailer

I have been holding off on this trailer for some time now, but I think it's finally time I post it. As far as disaster films go, 2012 doesn't look like anything special. Expect your standard "there's not much we can do" attitude and unnecessary decimation of major landmarks. Expect your run of the mill "emotional" speeches and cataclysm-induced selfishness. 2012 will, however, be delivering us the pleasure of seeing John Cusack somehow escape a volcanic eruption in an RV, though. I don't know about you, but I'd pay my $8.50 just to see that.

James Cameron's Avatar Teaser Trailer

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/avatar/

So here is your first look at the $300 million movie. I know that a good portion of the internet is ablaze with "meh" discussions about this teaser, and I honestly have to agree with them. Nothing looks spectacular so far and from what I can tell the film is going to devolve at some point into "Pocahontas in Space" (you know what scene I am referring too). Perhaps we're already looking at the most expensive disappointment of the Winter season? Only time will tell I suppose.

Also, as you can see, there is no direct video embed of the teaser in this post. Just click the picture or the link below it to zip on over to Apple's nice little viewing page where you can see the trailer at any quality you'd like. Normally I wouldn't bother doing this, but Apple seems to have dominated the "market" this time on video quality. This is your one Apple. This is your one.

This Day in Calvin and Hobbes: August 20, 1991

You just can't argue with Hobbes' reasoning on this one. Sure you could run a race without any regard for your limits, but if you fall over dead afterward then you'll never enjoy the fame.

**Note: Happy 200th post! I can't believe it has been this long already!

Daybreakers Trailer

Finally, a movie coming out in the next six months that I am actually looking forward to. The premise is actually interesting, nothing looks like it will be over-the-top and the cast looks fairly solid. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Ethan Hawke, but he has never really bothered me. Willem Dafoe and Sam "Dr. Grant" Neill are looking great, though. This looks like a "finalized" trailer for the film, but I'll keep my eye out for others.

District 9 Impressions [Possible Spoilers]

I know a good deal of people disagree with me about District 9, but just hear me out. Yes, the film looked great and was surprisingly impressive considering its budget of $30 million. On the other hand, or whatever appendage you prefer, there were a lot of poor choices made plot-wise that undid the film in a big way.

Firstly, I really think that Neill Blomkamp took his message a bit too far in this one. Most of the humans were portrayed as being unnecessarily cruel and arrogant, even towards other humans, and the aliens were too temperamental and violent to garner sympathy. During one of the most pivotal points in the film I found myself so disconnected from the characters that I didn't really care how the events panned out. In fact, I was kind of hoping that some sort of device would go off (beam, bomb, whatever) that would just blow everyone up. I felt nothing for the characters.

Along these lines, the synopsis for District 9 was very much a lie. I never get the sense that the prawns have found a "kindred spirit" in Wikus. He never really treats them with very much respect, he is only helping them for his own gain, and in a crucial moment he betrays his one and only "friend." Yeah, definitely not "kindred spirit" qualities.

Secondly, and most importantly, I couldn't see why war hadn't already broken out between the two species. The "prawns" were obviously not a peaceful people and we were even shown scenes of them wielding weaponry, both human (for some reason) and their own. Why hadn't they used any of their payload (they had mecha for goodness sake) to break out of the slum and fight back when the humans were openly murdering them and "aborting" (burning) their children? And similarly, why hadn't the humans gotten more violent when the prawns were apparently killing, and on some occasions eating, them? Hell, a guy was torn apart and eaten on what was apparently national television. We are supposed to believe that after twenty years no major conflict has broken out? Come on.

Finally, I found that the cinema verite style became a bit overused and confusing by the end of the film. I wasn't sure when the "cameras" were really there and when they weren't, the mush flying into the screen at every overly dramatic head explosion became annoying after the first three times, and they beat the interview "footage" into the ground. Every time we see something in District 9 we don't need to see an interviewee talk about it. Just let us see what is going on, please. Also, I found that my experience was greatly cheapened by the fact that we were constantly shown interviews where people were talking about events that have yet to be shown in the film. It was as if they kept popping up to say "hey, you're going to be so shocked when you see what happens in this movie! Man, I can't wait to see the look on your face!"

I am awarding District 9 two and a half stars out of five for being visually stunning, but having a weak plot. All in all I was greatly disappointed by this film and a bit ashamed that I thought it might redeem this terrible "summer at the cinema." I guess it's time to see what the Fall and Winter seasons have to offer. Yes, I am looking at you 2012 and Legion.

Legion Trailer (Red Band)

Alright, before you ask, no this is not a practical joke. Everything (well, probably everything) you have just seen and more will be viewed by thousands this upcoming January. Be very afraid.

*Note: This is the red band trailer so I hope you were expecting some explicitness.

G.I. Joe Impressions

(Yes, I have been putting this off all week.)

Flawed, predictable, and completely over the top, but not lacking in entertainment. Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans were very much outclassed and out of place, though. The other actors weren't so bad, but I really would have at least liked to hear the names of their characters more than once. The plot is pretty much what you could have guessed if you looked at any of the posters or saw any one of the commercials: lots of CGI, explosions, and dry dialogue.

What annoyed me most about the film, however, were the terrible segues they used to transition us into flashbacks. At one point a character practically turns to another character and says "hey, you look like you have an interesting flashback for us to see." It was just bad.

Also, the film makes it pretty clear that we can expect to see a sequel in the near future. In fact, it could probably be argued that the film was made as a test to see if the box office would bite or not. I seriously expected an Iron Man-esque "maybe next time" moment.

I am awarding G.I. Joe two and a half stars out of five for being the shallow action film I expected it to be, but not losing my interest. All in all, it wasn't the worst movie I have seen this summer... for what that's worth, at least.

Falling In

Acrostic: "A poem or series of lines in which certain letters, usually the first in each line, form a name, motto, or message when read in sequence."

This is the fifth entry in my Acrostic Adventure series. As he travels deeper into the city he begins to lose his sense of self. He is standing on the edge of nothingness waiting to fall in.

**The "Overlooked City" is a poem that I wrote a few years ago. If you haven't read it, take a look. [link]


Falling In

A subtle yet enticing fragrance slowly
Pulls him further into the Overlooked City.
Assuaging his senses like a million tiny
Tentacles, anxious to feed an insatiable hunger.
Hold on dearly to what makes you human.
You never know when it will save your life.


Copyright © 2009 Jarred Lee

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Trailer

So here is your first "proper" trailer for Terry Gilliam's long awaited, and long hyped, film "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus." I must admit my interest for this film has been growing ever since I first heard about it, Terry Gilliam has made some great films in his time but heaven forbid they don't take forever to release, and this trailer definitely sheds a lot of light on the plot and some of the characters. Be sure to take note of the first looks at the "other" faces of the late Heath Ledger's character: Tony. Interesting, no?

Anyway, the film is currently set to release around Christmas of this year (in the States) so be sure to be looking for that. I know I (and whatever friends happen to be within grabbing distance at the time) will be.

District 9 Trailer

Now I know that almost everyone has seen this trailer, but I didn't think it would hurt to post it since the movie is being released this upcoming Friday. I am going to be seeing it sometime Saturday evening and I am really excited about it. I have seen a lot of other footage from the film in my various expeditions across the internet and I honestly think that it may finally be the film to take this summer's releases out of the terribly horrific to pretty good rut it has been in.

Seriously, I have seen almost all of this summer's big releases and none of the ones that I had high hopes for were able to pull through. Hopefully this film that seemingly came out of nowhere a month or so ago will be able to repair things to some degree.

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009) Impressions

Now I know that, about a month ago, I said "Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)" looked better than I imagined it would. After seeing the movie in its entirety, I can say that my statement was true... but the real question to be answered is whether or not the movie is any good. The answer? Not really.

Blood was fun to watch, for the most part, as the action sequences we fairly exciting (especially the one with the old man). What really let this film down was the overuse of bad CGI and the ball of pointlessness that the plot balled up into. Now, I am not saying that good CGI makes a good film, but I will say that bad CGI can ruin a decent one. Every slash or bullet wound in Blood was met with cheesy little squirts of poorly CGI'd blood that would have been alright on a small scale, but eventually just became a distraction. As for the plot, characters that you thought might be important were just killed off before you even really got to know their names and seemingly important plot points were skimmed over and vaguely fleshed out. Because of this, the film was never able to get any real footing and by the end it wasn't even all that clear as to what the main character was fighting for at all.

My biggest problem with this film, however, was Alice, the co-main character. After the first half hour or so she really didn't even seem like a character in the film so much as she seemed like some sort of conduit for the writers. She was able to talk about things that she couldn't possibly know anything about and come to realizations that made absolutely no sense but were somehow true. All this while whining, being completely helpless, and somehow handling the fact that her entire life up to that point has essentially been destroyed for no good reason.

I am awarding Blood: The Last Vampire (2009) two stars out of five for having exciting action sequences, but losing track of its plot about half of the way through. I honestly think the creators of the film got tired of trying to pull together a coherent plot and just decided to dash CGI over everything and string it together with a few poorly placed speeches. Not unlike most of the big movies this summer had to offer. And no, I won't point out a couple of examples like Transformers 2 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. That would just be unnecessary.

Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin: Metal Gear Solid 4

"The end begins."


So that is it with the filler posts. I've finally eaten an actual meal, even if it was just fried rice and orange chicken (I'm sure that interests all of you).

Anyway, this episode of HAWP was pretty awesome huh? I have really been enjoying these Metal Gear Solid references as of late. Sure you probably wouldn't get this episode if you didn't actually play Metal Gear Solid 4... but too bad! You should quit wasting time and just play it. I've beaten it three times and enjoyed every second of it. Heck, here's an even crazier idea: play the whole MGS series. I know, crazy right?

Also, I think the HAWP crew is going to be going on hiatus for a while. Ash has declared that this episode is the second to last of the "season," but I wasn't aware of an episode count or anything. Ah well, we'll just have to see I suppose.

Recovery Filler: Thank You, My Twilight [LIVE]

This is without a doubt my favorite song by The Pillows (and that is really saying a lot because I love most of their music), and I was surprised to hear how well it sounds during their live performance of it. Some bands have a lot of trouble with live shows but these guys really nailed it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as I did... oh, and check out more of their music on youtube. I could give you a long, drawn out, history lesson as to why they are worth your time, but just hear for yourself. Oh, and the fact that they've been going strong since '89 may help a bit. I'm just saying.

Recovery Filler: XKCD Pirate Bay

"We find you guilty of closing your torrents as soon as they finish. Your sentence is unremovable Hungarian subtitles on everything."


I don't think a trial under those circumstances would go nearly as well for me. If I ever seed, it's on accident. Well... unless it's for something that was incredibly hard to find and only has a few seeds. Then I just disconnect the torrent after I finish and then reconnect it days later for only a few minutes. It's always amusing to see how many people have quit and how many people get bumped up from 99.9% after waiting all that time. Hey, don't look at me like that. Torrenting isn't just fun and games, you know. Wait... that doesn't sound right.

Comic courtesy of the always humorous xkcd.