Dragon Ball Online Trailer

I heard about this years ago, but I never thought it would ever make it out production hell. I guess things finally came together.

So... umm... watch your back World of Warcraft? Yeah...

Dragonball Evolution Impressions [Part Deux]

So as many of you know, I saw a cam copy of Dragonball Evolution back in March and pretty much hated it. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't just a bad film adaptation of Dragon Ball, but it was bad film overall. What I didn't was that the cam version cut out various sections of the movie for some reason. Well, I kind of knew that it did, but I didn't know that the cuts were on such a massive scale. The funny thing is though, seeing the full movie was so much worse. It seems that whoever took the initial cam recording was doing a lot of people a huge favor because some of the worst scenes were left out. I mean, seriously, sliding across the top of a car because of all the gel in your hair? You must be joking!

But the absolute worst thing that I saw in the complete version of the film had to be the extra scene at the end. Wow. Between this and the Wolverine extra scene, I think it is safe to say that we have finally reached the point where the technique is overused. I remember when it was an unexpected treat to have an extra scene after the credits and you told anyone that hasn't seen the film to wait until then. I don't even want to tell anyone about these! I mean, I have lost sleep trying to decide which one is worse. Well, I didn't actually lose sleep over it, but I still can't decide which is worse.

So I think it is safe to say that Dragonball Evolution has rightfully earned its half a star out of five, and if you haven't seen it, then don't go to any trouble doing so. And by that, of course, I mean don't pay a penny towards seeing it. Seriously, it's that bad.

Dragonball Evolution Impressions [Part 1]

I have been avoiding this for a while now, but I suppose it is finally time to write a SHORT initial review of Dragonball Evolution. I'm calling this an "initial" review because the version of the film I viewed was a cam, so needless to say it wasn't the best watch ever. Not that I expect a clearer version to save this mess.

Dragonball Evolution was a complete waste of time and energy that fails in almost every respect. Not surprised? Well you should be. Most people have been expecting a poor adaptation of their lovable anime series which, however, I can say Dragonball Evolution is not. The film is so loosely based on the Dragon Ball anime that it can scarcely be called an adaptation at all. The writers basically just took a list of names and vague backstory explanations and went to town. So what was the end result of this process? A terrible, awful, horrific movie which I honestly prefer over a terrible, awful, horrific Dragon Ball movie. Don't watch this film expecting to see the latter because it just isn't there. Seriously, the Kamehameha is just an advandced "air bending" technique in the film. Yes, apparently one of the writers had a kid who watched Avatar: The Last Airbender and decided that since Dragon Ball looked similar he could just blend a few aspects into his script. Fire bending is mentioned as well, I believe. I would get into the acting and dialogue, but I don't feel like looking up about a dozen different ways of saying awful, bland, and nauseating. Respectively, of course.

So I am going to give Dragonball Evolution an initial rating of half a star out of five for its complete waste of time and funding. The thing that scares me the most about this film is that someone thought that it was worth releasing. Bleh.

Goku Meets Roshi

But wait, there's more! We have finally reached that point where marketing law dictates that we must be swamped with clips from the respective film. I just love that part. Really, I do...

"Believe it punk! You are getting your clock cleaned!"

Chi-Chi vs. Chi-Chi

Just when I was starting to forget about this movie...

Our First Taste Of Dragon Ball Evolution: The Movie: The Game

I will admit, it doesn't look nearly as bad as I thought it was going to look. It still looks bad, mind you, but not as bad. The characters are still amazingly ugly though. I couldn't even tell " Roshi" (this guy doesn't deserve being called Master Roshi) was fighting Piccolo until I looked up at the name. And even then I barely saw the connection. Ah well, at least it will be contained to the PSP... for now. For now.

Dragon Ball Evolution: The Movie: The Game

No, you read that right. The highly anticipated film Dragon Ball Evolution will be accompanied by a video game. A real video game. Luckily (or unluckily depending on your situation) for some of you, the game is only being released on the PSP so the damage is relatively low. I believe this to be a good thing seeing as the game looks about as generic as they come nowadays. I mean seriously, why make a fighter? With an action game they could have at least stood a small chance. No one is going to bother with a movie-based fighter... let alone one based off of what is sure to be a crappy movie.

Thanks to kotaku.com for the title image. For more, click here!

Dragon Ball... Evolution?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. You got me Fox. I will admit it. You got me. I thought that you were attempting to make a serious Dragon Ball film that was inspired by the anime series. I thought that you had seriously enlisted Justin Chatwin, Emmy Rossum, and Jamie Chung to play main characters in said film. Now, however, I have come to see that you were just kidding around. Just playing us all for fools. There is no way anyone could think that what you did was a good idea. No possible way. You created the perfect joke.

Alright it has been said... I've admitted it... now please stop with your plans to release this "movie." Please?

The First Dragon Ball Reviewer... Didn't Burst Into Flames?

Full version here, excerpt from Kotaku.com below:

" Positives

• Action - I wasn't expecting the action scenes to be as awesome as they were. Simply put the best thing about this movie. The last action scene of Goku vs. Picollo are simply amazing... This fight scene was around 13-15 minutes long. There are other small action scenes that are fun and entertaining with slo mo but nowhere as good as the picollo vs. goku scene.

• James Marsters as Picollo was awesome. He was perfect as picollo... Oh and Picollo transforms into a light greenish color picollo towards the end of the movie.

• Justin Chatwin as Goku. This guy surprised me a lot. I really didn't like him when they casted him as goku but he did a damn good job in the acting department and he nailed the KAMEHAMEHA line.

Negatives
• Story - Dragonball fans will be dissapointed with some of the changes they have made with stories and characters etc... High school setting for the first 22-23 minutes was so not needed but ah well typical hollywood garbage of adding bullshit like that.

• Chow Yun Fat as Master Roshi - I was dissapointed with this. I wanted the fucking perverted roshi who fucking grabs breasts and asses like in the anime but alas all of that is fucking gone. Also he acted like Mr. Kesuke Miyagi. You know what I mean. The lines he spoke were fine but I felt he was uncomfortable in the movie. Very dissapointed.

• Shenron the dragon - Ah another huge dissapointment... FUCK FUCK FUCK you fox. So ya they get all the dragonballs and the dragon appears but the dragon is hiding behind fucking clouds and you only see his shadow. The voice of the dragon was provided by none other than Christopher Sabat who provided the voice for the dragon in the american version of the anime. When the dragon spoke it was chilling but damnit it was hiding behind clouds. One can hope they will fix this but chances of that are very slim."

I know, right now you're probably as shocked by this as I am, but thankfully this fact can be rationally explained. Point the first: the reviewer is a complete amateur. From his overuse of expletives to his neglect of capitalization. (Though neither of those bothered me nearly as much as his replacement of "yeah" with "ya.") Second, he obviously has no idea what the actual Dragon Ball series was like because this movie is not related in anything outside of the names. Thirdly, he spelled "Piccolo" incorrectly, twice. Not to mention that he was pleased with the fact that he turns light green near the end of the movie from his newly albino vampire form. Lastly, he labeled Goku's ape form under the positive category even though he clearly states that Goku transforms into an "8-9 feet tall giant baboon." Correct me if I am wrong here, but wasn't Goku's ape form originally eight to nine stories tall? What, he barely doubles his considerably short size and he's a giant all of a sudden?

Bleh. For as excited as this guy is, I for one have not changed my prediction that this movie will be a disaster. The most I can hope for at this point is that the film will be laughably horrendous as opposed to painfully horrendous.

Dragon Ball The Movie: Can It Look Worse?

Yes people, another Dragon Ball movie post. Today Kotaku posted up a few screens from the upcoming Dragon Ball movie and I must say that I am shocked. I honestly didn't think I could be more disappointed with what they did with this film but today it was proven that I could, in fact, be more disappointed. Much more disappointed. I mean, can someone please explain to me why King Piccolo looks like some kind of albino vampire? Where is my green?! My green!! Oh, and why is Master Mutaito being played by the black guy from Ghostbusters? Bleh... I'll still be going to see the film of course, just for the fact that I want to personally see it crash and burn, but they could at least spare us some of the pain. Curse you Hollywood and your "idea" of what Americans want. Hit the link below the pictures of "Piccolo" for the full story and a few more photos.





Kotaku post: here

The Dragon Ball Movie Post

There you have it folks, the beginning of the end. I have been dreading this post, and the post where I state my impressions, for a while now and the time has finally come. I have already taken the liberty of forming a few questions based on these images. Feel free to add your own to the list.

• First of all, if this is based off of the original series, then why are Goku and Chi Chi like twenty years old? They are supposed to be little kids.
• Why are Goku and Bulma white while everyone else is Asian?
• Where is Piccolo?
• Why is Chow Yun-Fat in this movie? He's supposed to be distinguished right?
• Why is Master Roshi not bald? Why?!
• Why did they not even try to replicate hairstyles?
  
• I won't even start on Goku's hair.
  
• Bulma's hair is supposed to be teal.
  
• Yamcha should have a ponytail, not blond highlights.
• Why is Master Roshi not bald? Why!?

And that's all I've got. The movie is supposed to release in 2009 so we will just have to sit back for a while and wait for what is sure to wreck our childhood to arrive.